so i had had a pretty great day at work, had picked up the kids, and was pulling into the driveway. i noticed that there was something on the concrete pad outside of my garage. looked like a brown leaf or an old brown paper bag (yeah, i do need glasses ...). as i get closer, i realize that it's a dead bird. or, at least what looks to be a dead bird.
of course, i had to stop the car, and get out. poor thing, was laying on it's back, with feet in air. NOT moving. HOW WAS I TO GET INTO THE GARAGE?
EW!
there are few things that truly alarm me - but this thing got the better of me. i absolutely HATE being the "typical girl" - squeamish, squealers, seemingly helpless - i was NOT a happy camper, and there was no way in hell i was going to pick that thing up.
no.
way.
so, i did the helpless girl thing and called a man-friend. he suggested that i use a shovel to pick it up and then put it in the trashcan.
uh, no. THAT would not only mean that i would have to pick it up, but i might get my clean snow-shovel all yucky with dead bird parts. not going to happen.
so he asked me if i wanted him to come over and pick it up. so, after i hemmed and hawed, i finally said yes.
then, my 7-year old got out of the car (he had previously been asleep). he offered to pick it up, but chickened out (reasonably so).
THEN, the neighbor man came by to say hi. what a mistake THAT was! i got him to pick up the bird with a trash bag.
i screamed the whole time he was doing it. yep, i'm pathetic.
but had i not gotten help, how was i going to get in the garage?
Wednesday, May 21
i'll just let the kids run WILD ...
there's this AD that's running on tv and radio. basically, it says that children of single parent households are more likely to take drugs, drop out of school, have sex, go to jail (among other "bad things") NO MATTER HOW ACTIVE THE PARENT IS IN THEIR LIVES.
interesting.
so, as a single parent, perhaps i should just leave the kids at home all day (they're just going to drop out of school anyway), give them some drugs, a gun, and some condoms (well, maybe NOT condoms - wouldn't want them to be the least bit responsible for their actions, after all, they ARE products of a broken home ..) and let them run wild.
that would save me a lot of money, and stress - i'm one of those "active" parents that is apparently wasting my time being involved in my children's lives.
or, perhaps i should just go out and get them a daddy?
or maybe, get back together with their asshole father?
i have so many choices!
decisions, decisions!
interesting.
so, as a single parent, perhaps i should just leave the kids at home all day (they're just going to drop out of school anyway), give them some drugs, a gun, and some condoms (well, maybe NOT condoms - wouldn't want them to be the least bit responsible for their actions, after all, they ARE products of a broken home ..) and let them run wild.
that would save me a lot of money, and stress - i'm one of those "active" parents that is apparently wasting my time being involved in my children's lives.
or, perhaps i should just go out and get them a daddy?
or maybe, get back together with their asshole father?
i have so many choices!
decisions, decisions!
Thursday, May 15
Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3,
"Betty, pickup"
LaVerne, in an episode of Laverne and Shirley where she was the cook and Shirley was the waitress at a diner/truckstop. She called LaVerne "Betty" much to Shirley's chagrin. Anyway, this is just a test to see if people who are ON the e-mail list are getting the e-mails.
THIS IS ONLY A TEST ...
In the event of an actual posting, you will be given something WAY more interesting to read.
Yep. WAY more interesting.
LaVerne, in an episode of Laverne and Shirley where she was the cook and Shirley was the waitress at a diner/truckstop. She called LaVerne "Betty" much to Shirley's chagrin. Anyway, this is just a test to see if people who are ON the e-mail list are getting the e-mails.
THIS IS ONLY A TEST ...
In the event of an actual posting, you will be given something WAY more interesting to read.
Yep. WAY more interesting.
My Kids are Trying to Kill Me ...
really.
no, i'm not kidding or exaggerating. they are trying to kill me.
it's a slow, grinding, torturous, methodical, type of kill. the process that they are using is sleep deprivation coupled with incessant arguing, oh, and they like to climb on me (they're heavier than they look) for good measure. oh, they're smart. and actually, i USE to be smart. not anymore. they tire me out and then condition me for crazy.
to look at my children, you would never guess. sometimes, they look like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. but looks can, and often are, VERY deceiving.
i have three kids. three high-energy, loud-talking, smart-ass kids. 7, 6, and 3. the older two are boys, and that three year old is a girl. well, anatomically she's a girl, but over her short three year lifespan, she has been turned into a boy BY the boys. but, i am getting ahead of myself.
i first realized that the kids were trying to kill me early on, when the boys were little. they would do little things to rob me of all of my energy. poopy diaper leaks, urinating on me, spilled milk (and yes, i DO cry over it -- ESPECIALLY if it's undiscovered milk -- have you SMELLED rancid milk?), food on the floor, juice on the floor (which, by the way, you can NEVER just spot clean), toys on the floor (sharp pointy toys - or toys that become sharp and pointy because you step on them and break them - note: lego's are the devils creation), CRYING (theirs AND mine), and a host of other energy-robbing behaviors are ALL practiced by my kids. and they tag-team me at every opportunity.
my daughter, well, she has learned from them. and they have since added, bodily noises. one of them can poot at will. the other two are excellent burpers. my daughter is the little pooter (see what i mean? they are RUINING her ... sigh). they also love to pretend to poot and burp.
the noises i don't mind so much. sure, they can be a little annoying, but i can live with that. what i cannot live with is the silence. silence is trouble. BIG trouble. silence means that they are TRYING to do something that they shouldn't be doing. usually, they are loud and doing things because they aren't aware that what they are doing might be life threatening. when they are quiet, they KNOW that what they are doing is wrong.
and HOW twisted is THAT? when it's quiet, i panic, and when it's noisy i'm a little LESS panicked. see how they are doing me? they are conditioning my crazy.
my middle child likes to hold my left hand. so does my youngest. no one is too much interested in holding my left hand. see what i mean? it's just not rational.
i TRY to understand the whole "he's looking at me" argument, but doesn't that mean that they are looking at each other? which would mean that they were both wrong?
and really, is it that hard to aim for the middle of the potty? and why is the seat APPARENTLY too heavy to lift?
couldn't toothpaste be more rinsable off of the sink, counter and mirror? why does it HAVE to harden to a concrete-like substance?
and one ladybug flying around the house is cute. but ten or so more, well that's just plain NOT COOL -- they die. wherever they want. dead ladybug -- well, that's just another dead bug in the house. and more cleaning for me ... and they SNEAK them in the house.
outside of kiddie-type antics, well, i also have to cook, clean, help with homework, make sure they are bathed (NOT as easy as it sounds), and chauffeur them around town like they are mini rock stars (i say rock stars because they have trashed my car and their room on numerous occasions)
oh, and the KILLER part, is that they are cute. and they are even cuter when they are asleep. and THAT is when i seem to forget that they are out to DESTROY me. see how the crazy works?
so, i'm consistently perplexed by their actions, tired-out, and conditioned for crazy.
they truly are smart kids. i just wish that they would use their powers for good and not evil.
am i rambling? it's because i'm dead tired. that's all.
uh oh. they're quiet.
gotta go!
no, i'm not kidding or exaggerating. they are trying to kill me.
it's a slow, grinding, torturous, methodical, type of kill. the process that they are using is sleep deprivation coupled with incessant arguing, oh, and they like to climb on me (they're heavier than they look) for good measure. oh, they're smart. and actually, i USE to be smart. not anymore. they tire me out and then condition me for crazy.
to look at my children, you would never guess. sometimes, they look like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. but looks can, and often are, VERY deceiving.
i have three kids. three high-energy, loud-talking, smart-ass kids. 7, 6, and 3. the older two are boys, and that three year old is a girl. well, anatomically she's a girl, but over her short three year lifespan, she has been turned into a boy BY the boys. but, i am getting ahead of myself.
i first realized that the kids were trying to kill me early on, when the boys were little. they would do little things to rob me of all of my energy. poopy diaper leaks, urinating on me, spilled milk (and yes, i DO cry over it -- ESPECIALLY if it's undiscovered milk -- have you SMELLED rancid milk?), food on the floor, juice on the floor (which, by the way, you can NEVER just spot clean), toys on the floor (sharp pointy toys - or toys that become sharp and pointy because you step on them and break them - note: lego's are the devils creation), CRYING (theirs AND mine), and a host of other energy-robbing behaviors are ALL practiced by my kids. and they tag-team me at every opportunity.
my daughter, well, she has learned from them. and they have since added, bodily noises. one of them can poot at will. the other two are excellent burpers. my daughter is the little pooter (see what i mean? they are RUINING her ... sigh). they also love to pretend to poot and burp.
the noises i don't mind so much. sure, they can be a little annoying, but i can live with that. what i cannot live with is the silence. silence is trouble. BIG trouble. silence means that they are TRYING to do something that they shouldn't be doing. usually, they are loud and doing things because they aren't aware that what they are doing might be life threatening. when they are quiet, they KNOW that what they are doing is wrong.
and HOW twisted is THAT? when it's quiet, i panic, and when it's noisy i'm a little LESS panicked. see how they are doing me? they are conditioning my crazy.
my middle child likes to hold my left hand. so does my youngest. no one is too much interested in holding my left hand. see what i mean? it's just not rational.
i TRY to understand the whole "he's looking at me" argument, but doesn't that mean that they are looking at each other? which would mean that they were both wrong?
and really, is it that hard to aim for the middle of the potty? and why is the seat APPARENTLY too heavy to lift?
couldn't toothpaste be more rinsable off of the sink, counter and mirror? why does it HAVE to harden to a concrete-like substance?
and one ladybug flying around the house is cute. but ten or so more, well that's just plain NOT COOL -- they die. wherever they want. dead ladybug -- well, that's just another dead bug in the house. and more cleaning for me ... and they SNEAK them in the house.
outside of kiddie-type antics, well, i also have to cook, clean, help with homework, make sure they are bathed (NOT as easy as it sounds), and chauffeur them around town like they are mini rock stars (i say rock stars because they have trashed my car and their room on numerous occasions)
oh, and the KILLER part, is that they are cute. and they are even cuter when they are asleep. and THAT is when i seem to forget that they are out to DESTROY me. see how the crazy works?
so, i'm consistently perplexed by their actions, tired-out, and conditioned for crazy.
they truly are smart kids. i just wish that they would use their powers for good and not evil.
am i rambling? it's because i'm dead tired. that's all.
uh oh. they're quiet.
gotta go!
Playing the "Float" ... Float on, Float on ...
money is tight for most of us these days. and some people have very creative ways to get from one paycheck to another. SOME PEOPLE. not me. SO I'VE HEARD. never practiced ...
so, i was talking to a friend of mine who had never "played the Float" ... dont' know what that means? well, the "Float" is the time between when you write a check and when the money is actually taken out of your account.
for example ... you write a check to the grocery store on monday. the money doesn't actually come out of your account until tuesday or more likely wednesday. the time of day that you write the check can also make a difference. checks written later in the day have a better chance of taking longer to hit your account than would a check written that morning.
PLEASE NOTE - I AM NOT ADVOCATING THIS ... IT'S PROBABLY A CRIME (ok, it IS a crime to write a check on an account that doesn't have funding to cover the check)
i'm just saying ... this was a conversation that i was having with someone who didn't have enough money to make it to payday. (again, absolutely NOT advocating this practice).
so, if you are broke on wednesday, and get paid on friday, well, you might just be able to make it to friday ...
BUT BEWARE -- some places, like a super walmart that i had the occassion to visit, will take the money out of your account AT THE REGISTER -- that's right. it's almost like an atm without the fees.
float on, float on ...
so, i was talking to a friend of mine who had never "played the Float" ... dont' know what that means? well, the "Float" is the time between when you write a check and when the money is actually taken out of your account.
for example ... you write a check to the grocery store on monday. the money doesn't actually come out of your account until tuesday or more likely wednesday. the time of day that you write the check can also make a difference. checks written later in the day have a better chance of taking longer to hit your account than would a check written that morning.
PLEASE NOTE - I AM NOT ADVOCATING THIS ... IT'S PROBABLY A CRIME (ok, it IS a crime to write a check on an account that doesn't have funding to cover the check)
i'm just saying ... this was a conversation that i was having with someone who didn't have enough money to make it to payday. (again, absolutely NOT advocating this practice).
so, if you are broke on wednesday, and get paid on friday, well, you might just be able to make it to friday ...
BUT BEWARE -- some places, like a super walmart that i had the occassion to visit, will take the money out of your account AT THE REGISTER -- that's right. it's almost like an atm without the fees.
float on, float on ...
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